One thousand reasons to stay one reason to leave
by Shady199
Summary: He doesn't want her to change her mind, he just wants her to know what's on his. Trily.
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer: I don't own or write for Radio Free Roscoe but I commend those who do. **

**I wrote this months ago on The-N as a one-shot but I've decided to make it into something more. Chapter two and three coming soon. BTW the writing seems awful at first and it is but you'll get it soon enough,**

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_It starts where the season finale left off. Lily and Travis are about to kiss just as Ray is coming down the stairs about to open the door._

_Lily Pulls back just as Ray comes in, but she neglects to notice that._

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Lily: Travis, we've gone through this one already, and it confused me. But now I know how I feel about you, and the thing is I don't. I think I love Ray. No, I know I love him.

Ray: Lily, is that true?

Lily: Yeah it is, Travis I'm so sorry, but I don't feel that way about you.

Travis; But Lily. Ray is, as Confucius would say, a moron! A jerk! He's the wrong guy for you!

Ray: Yeah well, I don't know a lot about that Confucius guy but I'm pretty sure he'd never say anything like that.

Lily: Travis I can't believe you! You're the one being the jerk. I don't even know who you are anymore, but whoever you are I don't want to know him.

Lily starts crying and Travis just stands there staring at her and Ray, Ray tries to comfort her.

Ray: Lil, come one, lets go.

Travis: Never mind I'll leave.

Travis then storms out leaving Ray and Lily alone in the station.

Ray: Lily, you really mean what you said before?

Lily: Yes Ray I Lo-

BEEP BEEP BEEP

Ray is woken up by his alarm clock. He was wishing that the dream were real, wishing that's what really happened. But it wasn't, and it didn't. He'd walked in as Lily and Travis were kissing. He'd closed the door and opened it again, hoping he was seeing things. But he wasn't, one of his best friends and the girl he'd loved forever, together. It was real though, he wasn't dreaming and he wasn't seeing things. It was real. It was real. It was _real._ Travis had won. He'd won Lily, he'd won her heart. He had her and Ray was left with nothing.


	2. Falling

**Disclaimer: I don't own or write for Radio Free Roscoe nor have I written the song "falling", the rights to that song are owned by Paper Moon.**

Thanks to all who reviewed, I promise that this chapter is better than the last.

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Chapter two: Falling

_Who are you? Where did you come from? Not recognizable anymore. Reverse this spell that you've been under. Change you back to whom you were before. I won't give up so easily_

He walked down the hallway with his eyes on the ground, afraid to look up, afraid to see them. After that day. That day he opened that door, nothing was the same. His laugh was gone, and it felt like the rest of him was too. Without her he was nothing, just a body with no one inside. Without her he was gone.

_Very soon you will be tripping over my every word. Your balance would be lost with a single glance. You will be falling so fast, falling too fast. I know that I deserve so much more than this but it won't take long for you to learn._

He saw a flash of blonde hair, heard a voice that made him want to scream, except then he realized that the voice wasn't his to hear, not now, not anymore. He turned the corner and bumped into a girl, the only other one who knew his pain. She fell and dropped all of her books, he kicked himself, why did he have to do such stupid things? "Oh God, I'm sorry" he said, bending down to help her gather her things. She shook the hair out of her face and stood up "It's fine. Whatever". She started to walk away but turned back to him "By the way, you were right". He looked at her for a second, puzzled by what she meant. "About what?". She wait for a second, looking for the right words, then said it as if it were so simple "Them". She turned around a walked away hastily.

_You won't see love like this in another's eyes. Give it a try but you'll just get hurt. I won't let go so easily. Very soon you will be tripping over my every word_

The bell rang and he continued to walk down the hallway. He passed his classroom and kept on walking. There was somewhere he needed to be, something he needed to do. He didn't want to change her mind, he just wanted to let her know what was on his.

_Your balance would be lost with a single glance. You will be falling so fast, falling too fast._

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Reveiws appreciated. coughreveiwdammitcough


	3. Your thesaurus won't help you now

**Disclaimer: I do not own or write for RFR nor did I write the Paper Moon song "your thesaurus won't help you now".**

**I can't believe no one believes me. It really is a Trily! Would I lie to you? Don't answer that. J/K, lol.**

**Yes Tina I know my chapters are short. You know that I only have a 3 second attention spa- Oooh cool a pop-up ad. What was I saying?**

**Yay Thea! Two squiggly things! Lol!**

**Oh my god Allie! Not a _really bad punishment_! NOOOOO! But thanks, you totally described what the mood of this story is, bittersweet. I've been looking for a word to describe it.**

**Ava- Yeah the song that was italicized was by Paper Moon. That reminds me to explain something to everyone.**

**The title of the story is the name of the CD by Paper Moon and the title of each chapter is the title of one of their songs. The songs that are italicized in each chapter are also theirs, I thought it would be cool to put them in there since they all fit my chapters so well. So the title of this story really has nothing to do with the story but more as a link. Also I suggest you go to ****www.papermoon.ca**** and listen to the songs for each chapter, I think it makes the mood of the story stronger. And also because the songs rock. Lol!**

**Ok so on with the story!**

Chapter three: Your thesaurus won't help you now

Dear Lily,

I'm not sure why I'm writing this to you but I know why I'm not. The reason for this letter isn't for you to change your mind, I just need to let you know how I feel. Or felt. I haven't figured that out yet. I won't use any hockey references this time, I'm just gonna get to the point. I love you. Or maybe loved, I haven't figured that out either. But I get it, I finally get it. You don't love me. He won, he won you, he won everything. Yeah, he defiantly won. I can't write down what else I need to say, hell I probably can't even say it, I guess you'll just have to use your imagination. So that's it I guess. Right. Yeah, so that's it. Goodbye. That sounds so weird and...wrong but I guess that's the right word. So goodbye.

Ray

P.S. No mustard stains this time.

He set the pen down and read the letter, he shook his head "This is pathetic" he mumbled. He began to move his hand to crumple the paper but he stopped. He didn't know why, since that letter obviously ended up in the trash but he didn't crumple it. He set it back down and pushed out his old chair, getting up then beginning to walk out. He stopped at the door and looked around the underground for a minute, his eyes landing on a picture of the four of them. Lily was smiling so widely with her arms around Ray and Robbie, Travis was standing off to the side doing his James Deans "impression". Ray snorted and rolled his eyes, Travis was never good at impressions. He turned around and walked out the door, the words of one of Lily's favorite songs going through his head.

_This is easily the hardest thing I've ever had to do. _

_I struggle over every word, but I think it's safe to say_

that I owe this much to you.

_I've gotten more than I deserve._

I close my eyes and in my head I see you walk away.

_Panic washes over me. _

_I know it could be different if I found something to say,_

_but how can I possibly wrestle phrases from a frozen mind, _

_extract the necessary lines to ensure continuance_

_of what I've taken for granted all this time?_

_I'm usually more articulate. _

_Why do words fail me now? _

_Just when I need them the most, words fail me._

_For the last few years, I've placed my fate in the _

_hands of anyone who cared, never thinking that my _

_expectations were unfair. _

_Now the ultimatum has been given and I find _

_myself so unprepared to spill emotions that have remained undeclared. _


	4. The Pancake Bay Weather Station

**Disclaimer: I do not own RFR or the lyrics to the song "The Pancake Bay Weather Station" by Paper Moon .**

**Thanks to Amanda, Allie, and Kimbiegirl for reviewing,thanks to Angie for helping me pick the song ,and thanks to Tina for listening to me rant on and on about Lily. I finally figured out how to put all that anger to good use. LOL.**

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**Chapter four: The Pancake Bay Weather Station**

After he left the underground he couldn't figure out where to go.

Not to school, Waller would have a field day.

Defiantly not home.

Not even Mickey's.

He walked down the old un-paved road and kicked the gravel on the ground. He kicked one and it landed in a hole ."Perfect Shot" he thought but then thought of something else, someone else actually. He remembered the days that they would walk along these roads, trying to aim and odd targets, doing little victory dances when they would "score". He remembered all these things as if he was looking at photos. He hated remembering. He kicked the ground madly, suddenly mad at himself, or the world, but really he was just mad at her."Dammit" he muttered to himself "Dammit dammit dammit. Everything has got to be about her. Every little thing".

He started to walk faster and faster, finally breaking into a run. He was running from his life, trying to run from everything and just loose it all. He was running from her.

He reached a grassy area which he recognized as the park. He collapsed to the ground, coughing and panting. He looked up and across the park. He saw the playground, the pond, the benches and the trees. He saw a boy and a girl playing, feeding the ducks, reading books, and climbing. He saw his life, his past, himself, and he saw her.

He couldn't understand what he felt, remembering all these things. Was it anger? Was it sorrow? Was it happiness? To picture her face made him want to laugh and cry all at the same time. He wanted to remember, it was all he had left. Travis didn't have these memories.No, he didn't have to. He didn't have to remember her because he had her. He had her in the here and now, not in the past. To him these memories would be worthless.

_Crack open the photo album._

_I need to rediscover contentment, and if I need to look into the past to find it,_

_then that's what I'll do._

_Start leafing through the pages._

_I've been through this dozens of times before._

_What makes me think if I try once more,_

_I'll see something new?_

_But there amongst the blurry highway curiosities,_

_badly framed landscapes and poorly lit faces is a startling revelation I hadn't expected to find._

_This is me looking over my shoulder. _

_This is me watching something that's just out of view. _

_This is me pretending I had what I wanted, _

_and this one's you. _

_Twilight is wandering in,_

_concealing evidence of uncertainty._

_Empty bottles, an unwritten letter and me,_

_watching time go by._

_Made myself believe that life couldn't be better._

_Settled into routine,_

_turned into a standstill when the thing that was missing wasn't missing at all._

_This is me looking over my shoulder. _

_This is me watching something that's just out of view. _

_This is me pretending I had what I wanted, _

_and this one's you._


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